Describing this month as tough would be a bit of an understatement, it’s a month where I saw my wife go through the most amount of physical pain she has ever gone through and felt a great loss for someone who we had longed for and thought would certainly be part of our lives. 

Some of you may know that Hannah and I have been trying for a child for over two years. We’d considered trying an IUI, adoption and discussed applying to a foster-to-adopt scheme. However three months ago Hannah fell pregnant. This was such a shock and a surprise to us that we weren’t originally convinced. After a few more days and about 20 positive pregnancy tests later nothing could change our mind, the thing we thought wouldn’t happen has happened. It was such an answer to prayer and we were exceedingly happy. Weeks went by and we began to share the good news, with friends, family members and work colleagues. We received gifts and cards, bought new clothes, got a baby-on-board badge, we began to think of the future and the changes a newborn would bring to our lives. It was such a joyful time of our lives, but it all turned around unexpectedly. 

Ten weeks and five days into the pregnancy Hannah started spotting lightly, we weren’t too worried about this because we read it’s not unusual to bleed a tiny bit during pregnancy. The next day the spotting continued, just to be sure we phoned 111 and we’re told to get to A&E immediately. Hannah was checked by two doctors then was given an appointment for the following morning to the [UPAE]. We were worried but assumed the baby was fine and the bleeding was caused by some sort of infection. We prayed the night before and booked the morning off from our relative places of employment. 

The following day we waited in the hospital for what felt like hours before Hannah was called to have her scans after which we received the devastating news that our child had stopped growing and lost its heartbeat. I was lost for words, Hannah was in tears. We sat in the quiet room in the hospital not knowing what to talk about, we had lost the person we were hoping to see for so long, the child we were praying for, had made so many preparations for. We were called back in and told to go home and wait to pass the baby naturally, in hindsight this wasn’t a good idea and we should have insisted on having an operation, but we didn’t know much at the time so agreed to it. 

I have never seen Hannah in so much pain before. She spent hours in the bathroom in agony giving birth to our child. Similar to labour with immense emotional distress. The pain continued for most of the week passing what was in her with two hot water bottles one her stomach and the other on her back. She struggled to sleep because of the pain and we had to get stronger painkillers as her compilation of paracetamol and ibuprofen wasn’t strong enough. She was too incapacitated to walk properly let alone cook, or even know she needed to eat. I spent the week working from home and did my best to help wherever I could. We spent a lot of time in prayer but it was difficult in these times to understand God’s plan for us as a family. Why did He give us a child to take it away? Why is He not taking away the immense pain that Hannah is going through? 

Prior to this experience, I was fairly ignorant of what someone goes through when they have a miscarriage. I knew it wasn’t a nice experience but I wouldn’t think about the emotional or physical impact it could have on a couple. After going through this ordeal my mind has completely changed. I now feel an immense amount of sympathy for anyone who has gone through more or less than what we did and I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone. A child is such a precious gift from God and it hurts so much when one is taken away even if it’s unborn. We are trusting in God that his plans are great and one day we will meet our child in heaven. 

We named him Kwabena, which means Tuesday born in Ghanaian birth.