It’s easy to assume that someone who grew up with people from Ghana, went to church populated primarily of West Africans, and attended very culturally diverse schools would have experienced or at least have some knowledge of what takes place in a traditional Ghanaian engagement, however, this assumption isn’t at all correct in my case. My upbringing has been somewhat westernised and although I had heard of such events, I have never been interested in attending one. To me, it came across as a quick and cheap alternative to having a white wedding and therefore didn’t deserve as much attention. The closest I have ever been to attending one was when my mother got married. A marquee was set up in our garden and many attended the ceremony, I however, was not amongst them. I observed it for about 5 seconds, got bored, then scurried up to my room to continue playing video games. Don’t worry, my mother is very relaxed and wasn’t offended in the slightest (at least that’s what she lead me to believe)

The proposal to my gorgeous, beautiful, long term girlfriend of eight months wasn’t a surprise to my family, what was a surprise however, was my mother’s request for us to have a traditional wedding. It isn’t something any of our cousins did before they got married so I didn’t see the need, nevertheless my mother was adamant. She wanted to give Hannah’s family a taste of the African culture, which to be honest was very admirable on her part. Preparations for the event involved plenty of gift buying, getting measured for, and trying on some traditional West African clothing, as well as the organisation of a venue, decoration, and food (which I didn’t have much of a hand in). I stayed relatively calm leading up to the event my main worry being it would run on for too long, or the non-African participants would find the ordeal incredibly weird. To my surprise, the whole thing went quite well.

I wasn’t present for the beginning of it, but I’m aware both sides were split up. Hannah side stayed in the venue (which was the hall of my church), while my side stayed outside until they were called in. The idea being that the hall was meant to represent Hannah’s parent’s home where the engagement traditionally is supposed to take place. Her side was briefed on what would take place then my side were called in and sat down. Five seats were placed at the bottom of the stage in the middle and key members of the family faced each other while conversations took place. Neither side spoke to each other directly, but through a spokesperson, the aim was for both parties to barter on a reasonable price or dowry for the woman. Replicating what was said at the event in this article wouldn’t do it much justice, nevertheless, there was a lot of laughter and mistakes made as it was a first for many. After the back and forth conversation, the actual engagement took place. I was brought in behind four of my close friends walking in as robotically as humanly possible, we’re not the best dancers. I greeted Hannah’s family twice, first normally, and the second time kneeling down to show respect which was all part of the theatrics. I also wasn’t permitted to speak directly to anyone, but also through a spokesperson. Later on, a girl in a veil was brought in behind a few of her friends (well one person). Now I knew this was Hannah’s sister Lucy because I had seen her only a few minutes before this so a veil wouldn’t do much to disguise her, but I believe the idea was for me to get shocked and annoyed that I had been given the slip. I played along for the audience. One thing I was told about but didn’t believe was the exchange of money from the woman’s side, this happened every now and again during the engagement. I heard a story one where the girl’s father wasn’t happy for her to be given away (because the man had impregnated her) and asked for a large sum of money before he was satisfied. Anyway, I had to give Lucy some money, five pounds or so, which was given to me beforehand, I was told for her transportation but again, this was for theatrics. I’m not sure where the bait-and-switch tactic in these ceremonies originated, but I believe it has something to do with the Bible but I haven’t done enough research to be certain.

Around half an hour later another woman covered in a veil walked in behind her friends, again I was meant to pretend I had no idea this was Hannah, but I saw her get her dress fitted weeks before so again, it was obvious. She danced in behind the other ladies and stood in front of me. I unveiled her, messing up her hair in the process (which she never lets me forget), but she looked stunning, and she gave me such an amazing, happy smile, we hugged deeply for a long period of time, posed for the photographer, then another 100 mobile phone cameras, and went to sit down as more conversation took place. Then, a wedding-esk section preceded which involved us bowing to a prayer, my pastor picking up the engagement ring I bought for Hannah when I proposed, said a bunch of stuff about the importance of marriage, the slipped the ring on her finger, we hugged again, then sat on the lavishly decorated couch on the stage for more pictures. The latter half of the event wasn’t as nervous as the first. We all had something to eat from various Ghanian dishes to choose from including; Jollof rice, Fried Plantain, Wache, and so much more, which went down really well. After the food had settled, dancing took place and surprisingly, almost everyone there got up and showed off some of their moves on the dance floor. All in all, the event was a success thanks to the people who attended; especially Hannah’s family members who travelled long distances, the people who presented, the people who decorated, made food and last but not least, my mother for putting all this together in such short notice and a limited budget. None of this would have happened without her.

So why am I putting this article together in a packed Starbucks opposite Clapham Common station? Well, one reason for this is so that the people who wanted to attend but didn’t, could get a quick overview of what happened however, the main reason is for those who are clueless of what takes place during a Ghanaian engagement ceremony, especially for those who are about to have one. As I mentioned at the beginning of the post I was completely clueless as to what happened during one and if there was an article like this out somewhere on the internet it would have put mine (and Hannah’s) mind slightly at ease. So if you are planning to go down a similar path that we did my final words of advice are as follows; don’t panic, it’ll be over a lot faster than you think, and you probably won’t remember much, so relax, and focus on having a fun time.

(Photos by Ernest Simons)